I'm sure that most of you are laughing, when you read about my fool-hardy exercise in Federal budget-cutting. "Ha!" you say. "He thinks he's going to close down the Department of Agriculture!" I know it sounds ridiculous. But I'm going through the same turmoil I'd be going through, if I actually had the authority to balance the Federal budget. My objective is to do as little harm as possible, in making my cuts, and I find that the impact is enormous!
Aren't you horrified by what I'm being forced to do? I am. In order to balance the Federal budget and still allow the continuation of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as the War on Terror, I'm going to have to close down just about ALL of the Executive Branch of Government. I know that the Libertarians among you are probably cheering, but remember this: even with cuts of $620 billion, the Government won't be in a position to PAY DOWN its National Debt. All we'll be able to do will be to continue paying the interest on it. As enormous a sum as $620 billion is, cutting it would only stop the Government from sinking further into debt; it won't help us start to rise up to the surface, and the debt-free air.
Today, I'm starting my cuts at the Department of Commerce. The only Agency I'm leaving untouched, in this Department, is the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration. They're the folks who give warnings about hurricanes, such as Andrew and Katrina. Unfortunately, NOAA's budget constitutes the largest slice of the Department of Commerce. I'm also going to try and leave open the National Institutes of Standards and Technology, mainly because their budget is less than $1 billion. And I have to leave open the Bureau of the Census, because conducting a census is mandated by the US Constitution. Everything else must go. Unfortunately, the only savings I'm able to eke out of this drastic action is a mere $1.5 billion.
That's why I've got to head back over to the Department of Health and Human Services, to look for further cuts. Remember, I've already closed down the National Institutes of Health. Visions of horrifying consequences prevent me from closing down Medicare and Medicaid, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the Food and Drug Administration, and the Indian Health Service. Everything else must go. Good-bye, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Good-bye, Administration for Children and Families. Good-bye, Health Resources and Services Administration. Good-bye, Administration on Aging. Your demise has saved the country $23.5 billion.
As I said in an earlier post, I won't even pretend to guarantee that I'll leave Medicare and Medicaid untouched. I'll try to fund them, of course. But when closing down almost the entire Department of Commerce only nets me $1.5 billion in savings, I have to admit that there simply may not be enough money in the civilian sector of the Executive Branch to allow a cut of $620 billion, without touching Medicare and Medicaid.
Okay, I've saved $25 billion, today. What I've had to do, however, in order to save that money, has left me reeling. And I've got to find an additional $294.6 billion to cut! What's next?